I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
