By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I lost the right to judge tonight
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