i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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