it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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