Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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