i think my mom watched the whole time
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
