don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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