Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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