apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
