Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
