i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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