if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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