I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
