Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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