can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
