I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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