I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
