I think I just saw someone hide a body.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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