At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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