the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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