I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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