Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
