i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
