I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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