Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
