Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
