Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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