apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize