I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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