I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
