remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have already put on my inside pants.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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