this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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