woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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