There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
