Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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