You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
