Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
