There was a lot of him and a little penis
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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