wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
