i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
