wanna go halves on a baby?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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