Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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