the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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