we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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