Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
