im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
