I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This toilet bowl is my home.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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