A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize