Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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