you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
