Soap is not a condiment
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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