I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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