so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
