my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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