Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
