Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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