I can't breathe out the right side of my face
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
