I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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