Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize