Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
