I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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