Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
May the power of my ass compel you!!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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