Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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