DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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