I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
