I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize