Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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