Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
